The Memory

Close your eyes and think of an unpleasant memory. Be selective--it doesn't have to be your MOST difficult memory. We're going to walk through it in detail, so make sure it's one you are emotionally prepared to face.

Have you selected your memory?

Good. In your mind, replay what happened. Make it as vivid as you can, thinking of the physical senses and emotions that were present. You are probably feeling some of those same emotions right now.

Does this memory involve another person? If so, I want you to put your current self into that past situation, and I want you to talk to the other person. If the person treated you poorly, talk about how that particular behavior makes you feel. Try to think about what this situation looks like from the other person's perspective.

Now I want you to talk to yourself: your present self talking to your past self. Offer comfort and encouragement and perspective. Comfort your past self, and soften any feelings of shame he or she is experiencing. What advice can you give yourself? Share the knowledge you've gained. Even if you still don't have much clarity about this difficult situation, you can offer your past self validating and uplifting support.

Now picture an idealized version of this memory. What do you wish had happened instead of what actually happened? If someone else was involved, picture the other person doing the right thing instead of the wrong one; being helpful and kind instead of hurtful. If you are alone in this memory, picture yourself doing the right thing instead of the wrong one.

Repeat this exercise as often as you would like, with the same memory or with different ones. Start with small embarrassments, then work your way up to more difficult memories, if you feel so inclined. Move at a pace that's comfortable and therapeutic for you.