The Simplicity of Influence

We each have an important role to play in the events unfolding around us. Your unique voice is needed. Your gifts, your views, your wisdom, and the things you've learned from your experiences in life aren't meant to be kept to yourself. You are here to be an influence for good, and you can only do that by speaking your truth.

Some people are looking for a fight. Don't give it to them. Some people are more interested in being heard than making a difference. Don't listen to them. Some people are never going to change their opinions no matter what you say. Don't bother speaking your truths to them.

Instead, look for opportunities to make an actual difference. Be an example for others to follow.

Don't become part of the problem by getting pulled into the conflict. Your energy will dissipate and you'll have little to show for your efforts. But don't bury your head in the sand, either, and pretend that all is well when it clearly isn't.

Instead, seek wisdom. Live authentically. Love people. Change hearts one at a time (including your own).

The Simplicity of Brilliant Moments

Every once in a while the stars align and we get to experience incredible, perfect joy. I absolutely love moments like that, and can ride for days on the wave of happiness they create. But returning to the real world can be hard! I would very much like to experience that kind of perfect joy more often.

Sometimes joy is something we choose, and sometimes it's simply a gift -- the outcome of small choices and circumstances, some of which are not even in our control. When those moments come, express gratitude for them and make choices that will allow you to have them more often.

Character is formed by small choices over time. We may not notice the changes that are happening to us, because they can be so gradual, but as we identify, refine and live by our core values we will become more capable and aligned. Others will see our integrity and want to find what we've found.

Each of us has a unique mission to accomplish. We may not know exactly what that mission is, but it can become more clear over time as we identify things we are good at that bring joy to us and those around us. When we are living true to ourselves, opportunities to use our gifts will regularly present themselves, and we will recognize them when they come.

Rising Above

There are times when I become angry or annoyed or frustrated with people. This is ALWAYS caused by my internal state, not by their actions. No one can make me angry without my permission.

When I find myself in this situation, I have a choice to make. I can allow the anger to drain my energy, consume my thoughts and steal my joy, or I can choose to rise above it. The way to do that is to interrupt my thought patterns with new ideas.

When I'm angry, the story I tell myself is always incomplete. A sort of emotional tunnel vision takes over and I refuse to see any evidence that contradicts my black and white views. But if a seed of truth can make it past my mental filter, the anger can dissipate.

Sometimes this seed of truth is sown by another person. I might be talking about the situation with someone I love, and he or she may kindly remind me that I'm far from perfect. Or perhaps something will be said that makes me laugh, and the negative emotion will release. Perhaps an insight into the other side of the situation will be offered, helping me see a little more clearly what seemed perfectly clear before.

Rising above negative emotions is a choice that anyone can make. It takes practice, and there will be ups and downs along the way, but the results are well worth the effort.

The Simplicity of Kindness

Kindness is the simplest thing in the world, yet there is far less kindness in the world than I would like -- even in my own actions and behavior.

I recently embarked on a journey to do a random act of kindness each day for 40 days. My goal was to do something kind that I wouldn't normally do, even if it was something very small. At first it was quite difficult. I would find myself getting ready for bed and looking around for something I could do at the last minute, because during the day I hadn't noticed any opportunities. One night I folded a blanket. Another night I cleaned up a hairball. As the days have progressed, however, I'm finding that the hard part is picking one of the many things I've done as "the" random act of kindness for the day.

We tend to find what we are looking for, and if we're wanting to perform acts of kindness we will see opportunities everywhere. It's simply a question of reprogramming the mind.

Some needs are obvious. Some are less so, but there is an inner wisdom we can all access that will help us find even hidden opportunities to serve. We just need to be actively wanting and looking for those opportunities.

Small acts of kindness can add up to big changes over time -- not just for those whom I serve, but for me as well. Actively working to be kind to others cleanses my soul and purifies my heart in a way that few other things can. I'm far from perfect, but when I serve others I get to experience perfect joy.

The Simplicity of Belonging

Everyone wants to be a part of something bigger than themselves. This is why we have communities, clubs, causes and even corporations. We are hard-wired for connection.

Solitude certainly has its place. It helps us decompress, think and process. Some of the best, most creative ideas are born in solitude, but successfully executing those ideas is usually a group effort.

Think of all the causes you belong to: a school, a church, a workplace, a political organization, a family, a friendship group, a hobby you share with others. Such things provide a sense of identity and strength.

When we over-isolate it increases feelings of depression, anxiety and anger. We each have our own preferred social rhythm, and when we fail to move to its music it results in pain.

In social situations we must think not only of our own needs, but also the needs of others. Socializing 101 involves responding to advances. The next level is to make those advances ourselves in an effort to help others belong. One of the greatest gifts you can give someone is an invitation to be a part of your life.

If you are feeling lonely, make an effort to connect. If you are feeling overwhelmed, regroup in solitude. Finding the right social balance can be challenging, but it's an essential component of emotional health.

The Simplicity of Love

Sometimes love seems like the most complicated thing in the world. It's wonderful and terrible, beautiful and soul-crushing, sweet and bitter. Hearts are broken and healed through love, and romantic relationships can sometimes be so complicated and miserable that people give up on them entirely.

But love is actually very simple. It's when we forget to love that things get hard.

Love means different things to different people. Some equate it with possession or control. They may believe they are entitled to certain privileges, but love cannot be forced. It can only be freely offered.

Arguments and fights are all too common in relationships. We hurt the ones we love because they are close enough to feel the effects of our every dysfunction. As we seek to heal old wounds and prevent new ones from forming, we become living gateways through which love enters the world.

Choosing to love is a courageous and vulnerable act that opens us to injury. When a doorway to love opens, it welcomes an entire person, not just their best attributes. When a relationship ends, love sometimes ends with it. But more often it continues in a different form.

Imagine a world without love, then imagine a world where love is all there is. Which world are you working to create?

The Simplicity of Perspective

Sometimes I become so preoccupied with a particular problem or set of problems that I forget how it feels to be at peace. Anxiety, anger, confusion, sadness and fear take over and become my "new normal." When I identify with these emotions, my true self gets lost in the noise. Each time I recognize that this has happened--which may take years or weeks or days or hours--I immediately take steps to find myself again.

When peace is lost, so is perspective. My journey back to wholeness always begins with a shift in perspective. When I'm suffering, everything feels personal. My problems weigh me down and solutions are nowhere to be found. It feels like I'm facing the impossible, and if there's any option for victory it either needs to come through a miracle or be won an inch at a time at great personal cost.

When I step out of my problems for a moment and look at myself and my situation the way I would look at a friend who is experiencing something similar, I can see more clearly. Other people's problems sometimes seem easier to face than my own, because I don't feel their shame. It's easy for me to be encouraging and supportive to those I love, but I often do the exact opposite to myself. I am judgmental and afraid, disappointed and punitive.

With perspective comes answers. Without the crushing weight of negative emotion, I can see that my problems aren't quite as big as I thought. I can reconnect with my inner strength, and I can begin to use the cognitive abilities that were previously mired in an endless loop of confusion, self-condemnation, fear and blame. I can face my problems with confidence. I can focus, and I can heal.

The Simplicity of Understanding

There is something beautiful about an understanding moment, when two people with differing views are able to see as one.

Understanding is a byproduct of love--not just romantic love, but the kind of love that applies to all mankind. When we truly care about the people around us, we are more likely to want to understand them.

Sometimes understanding comes after conflict. While it would be better to find understanding without conflict, this method is better than finding no understanding at all.

When we label people, we put up walls that prevent us from understanding them. When we take things personally, our own hurt can prevent us from clearly seeing the intentions of others.

Knowing someone's story is often a beginning of love and regard. When we see only what's on the surface, we may make incorrect assumptions about a person's behavior. When we see people for who they are rather than simply what they can do for us, understanding is more likely to occur.

Everyone has felt the pain of not being understood. All it takes to prevent someone else from feeling that way is a willingness to listen without judging.

Choosing Pain

Everyone experiences emotional pain. Most people don't realize, however, that they have a choice in the matter.

If I win the lottery or get stabbed in the leg, those things are just experiences. It's the story I tell myself about the experience that makes it "good" or "bad" in my mind.

For example, if my lottery payout was $3000.00 I could tell myself that I was ripped off. I didn't win the "big pot" and get a check for millions. I just got a lousy three grand. This story would create pain, whereas being grateful for the extra money could be a joyful experience.

Being stabbed in the leg requires context. Perhaps I'm having a tumor removed, and the surgeon uses a scalpel. In that case, being "stabbed" is part of my path to healing. Perhaps I have a severe allergic reaction, and an epinephrine shot saves my life. Even if I'm stabbed while being mugged, the story I tell myself still matters. I can be grateful that the wound wasn't deadly, for example. I can feel empathy for the person who stabbed me, and for the unfortunate combination of choices and circumstances that led him to that point.

Events are just events. It's my story that creates my pain.