The Simplicity of Struggle

Though everyone suffers, not all suffering necessary. The suffering we self-generate when in a negative emotional state just adds to what we are already going through.

Some people become angry with God (or fate or the universe or life) when tragedy strikes. It can be hard to understand His will and timing. It can be hard to see any good in the middle of something bad, even in hindsight. But there's no such thing as gratuitous pain. It's all part of our experience.

Growth and pain are inextricably linked. One cannot exist without the other. This doesn't mean that all life is pain -- sometimes life can be pretty wonderful. It just means that pain is going to find us at some point. When it does, allow it to happen. Resistance just enhances its power. Joy can be found even in the midst of struggle, if we allow ourselves to feel it.

I live in an area of the world where it gets quite cold in winter. Just walking outside in below zero temperatures can be a grueling, pain-inducing experience. With each passing year I dread the winter a little more, but feeling anxious about the onset of the season only adds to my experience of suffering. If I really hate it so much, I should move. Since I'm not making plans to sell my house (yet), I might as well embrace the reality of winter.

The Simplicity of Authenticity

You are who you are for a reason. There is a mission you can accomplish better than anyone else, one that uses your unique gifts and talents. Your purpose is calling. Will you answer?

It's easy to get lost in life. We defer to the expectations of others. We allow those in authority to define us. We feel grateful for the breadcrumbs they give us. But there comes a time when we feel a desire to rise up, to cast off our chains and become who we were born to be.

The gap between the life we are living and the life we are capable of living is a source of discomfort for many of us. It's easier to ignore it, sometimes, and pretend we are satisfied with a quiet existence. But living beneath our privileges exacts a costly toll. It comes at the price of being whole. It sickens the body and weakens the soul.

What lies beneath the roles you play? Mother, father, employee, boss, teacher, entrepreneur -- these are labels that many wear, but who is the person behind the label?

Your dreams exist for a reason. They are not foolish or impractical, as you may have told yourself over and over again. They are worth pursuing in spite of the risks.

You were meant to shine. You are more than the rhythm in someone else's rhyme. Step into your power. It's finally time.

Heaven on Earth

I believe heaven exists, but I see no reason to wait until I die to experience it. I can create it here and now, beginning with a feeling of peace inside me that spreads to others through loving acts.

I can't stop others from embracing darkness, but I can embrace light. I can lift the weak and carry the wounded to safety. The love they see in my eyes can give them a taste of heaven.

The power to end human suffering lies within each of us. I alone cannot eradicate all the ills of life; I'm just one person, after all. But if everyone did something to help someone every day, and also refrained from doing intentional harm, imagine how much better this world would be.

I'm not advocating for a new political system or world government. History has proven such things to be a horrifically bad idea. A better idea is for voluntary change to begin at the individual level, spread to homes and schools and workplaces, then enter the political arena.

I realize my optimistic views may seem laughable to some. In order for heaven on Earth to exist, everyone must do their part, right? Actually, no. I can find a source of peace that has nothing at all to do with my environment or circumstances. I can live in heaven with my feet still firmly planted on Earthly ground. This is the promise of enlightenment spoken of by the Buddha, the peace that is not of this world spoken of by Christ. By focusing on what matters most, you and I can create heaven right where we stand.

The Simplicity of Self-awareness

We cannot clearly see ourselves most of the time. An outside perspective is needed, but not just any outside perspective. It has to be from someone we trust who sees clearly.

The ability to look objectively at oneself is an essential component of personal growth. A willingness to listen to feedback is a desirable trait. When we are unapproachable, the people around us will cease to speak truths we need to hear. This can only lead to resentment and rebellion.

There are people who will criticize us no matter what we do. It has nothing to do with us and everything to do with them. Their angry voices are not the ones we want to use to gauge our strengths and weaknesses. All they can offer is noise. Even loved ones can sometimes fall into this category, so we must not only know who to listen to but also what frame of mind that person was in when they spoke to us.

When someone tells us the truth about ourselves, and when we are open and receptive to their words, we will feel the weight of that truth. It will open our eyes, settle into our souls, and it will change us. It may be a welcome truth or a harsh truth, but it will always be spoken with love -- even when those same words in another context or tone could come across as hurtful.

The best leaders are self-aware. Rather than blaming circumstances or other people, they look at their own failings and strive to improve.

The Simplicity of Boundaries

There are times when people ask more than we can give. There are times when we feel drained or abused or manipulated or unappreciated by a certain person. In such cases, boundaries can restore our peace.

The clearest boundary is to no longer allow a toxic person to be a part of our lives, but in many cases it is possible to preserve both the relationship and our sanity by creating and communicating ground rules.

Let's say, for example, that a parent or parental figure insists on running your life even though you are now an adult. Determine which behaviors aren't acceptable to you. The next time one of those behaviors occurs, tell the other person kindly but firmly about your new boundary. It may feel uncomfortable, and perhaps the other person will be angry. Remain calm and resolute. If that same boundary is violated again, explain the consequence of further violations and enforce the consequence.

For example, if the behavior in question involves "giving advice" in a very pressing way, such as with the words "You should" or "You need to" or simply with a command, explain how you feel when those words are said. You could then suggest alternative ways of giving advice that would be more palatable, such as with the words, "Have you thought about ..." or "Have you considered ..." Explain that advice is always welcome, if that's your truth, but that you retain full autonomy in making the final decision. Let the other person know that you love and appreciate them, if that's your truth, and end the conversation on a positive note if possible. Some people will be open to making the requested changes, and some will not. If a repeat violation occurs, reiterate the boundary and explain that the next time this boundary is crossed there will be no communication of any kind for a week (or insert your own consequence). It will be difficult to do this successfully in a situation where financial support is being provided by the other person, but that doesn't mean the person has a right to continually use or abuse you.

The correct establishment and enforcement of a relationship boundary is a loving act that can actually preserve and strengthen the bonds between two people, eliminating toxic and vengeful thoughts and behaviors.

The Message of Anger

Anger is triggered by external events, but it lives within each of us. When we identify with it and frequently allow it to take over, it can negatively impact our health and relationships.

The things that feed anger can be small, building up over time until the pressure is released by an explosive outburst. Anger can also be an immediate reaction to an unanticipated occurrence.

There is a hidden message in every angry thought, feeling and action. The message is that something isn't right. It might be something with you, with the way you are processing or failing to process emotion. It might be with your environment or the people in your life.

Some events cannot be controlled; they are acts of God. A tornado is one example. When you find yourself angry at such events, it represents a refusal to accept reality. The only path to peace lies in changing yourself.

You do not have complete control over the behavior of other people, but you can change how you interact with and react to them. You can invite them to change, and if they refuse then you can invite them to play a different role in your life such as being absent from it. You can also change your perspective, choosing not to take offense.

Finally there are the things that are within your control -- the choices you make that lead to pain. A friend of mine was so fanatical about sports events that he would become angry whenever there was a bad call by a referee or when his team lost. One day he realized he was creating his own pain, so he stopped watching sports. He changed himself and found more peace in his life as a result.

Anger is a signpost that points to deeper truth. It means something needs to change, and most often that something is you.

The Simplicity of Wonder

As I walked into my office building this morning, I saw a mother and daughter standing in the lobby. The little girl looked to be about three years old, and she was pointing and exclaiming about everything she saw.

I miss the days when I used to see the world with wonder. Things that have now become commonplace were once a source of amazement to me. But I don't have to be resigned to my fate. Wonder can be cultivated, if I remember how to see with the eyes of a child.

The fall leaves are stunning this year, a glorious display of red and gold that invites reverence. Last week a sunrise left me in awe, streaks of orange and pink criss-crossing the horizon in panoramic perfection. We live in a beautiful world, and it's so easy to take it for granted.

I want to live in wonder. I want to find joy in simple things.

I want to go to a grocery store and be awestruck that such a place even exists. If I were to trace every item from growth or manufacturing to delivery, the number of people involved in making my shopping experience possible is staggering. Just the fact that I can buy a loaf of bread rather than having to make it myself out of wheat I grew on my own property is a testament to modern living. We are far, far more blessed than we can even begin to comprehend.

Knowing the science behind a phenomenon does not make it any less miraculous. Our very existence on this planet is the product of cosmic events far beyond our control. Even the most ordinary day can be filled with wonder when we take time to really see.

The Simplicity of Saying No

It can be hard to say no when someone asks us to do something for them, but saying yes to too many things has far-reaching consequences.

I used to think it was my responsibility to always say yes to loved ones, neighbors and strangers who made demands on my time. Saying no was rude, difficult and uncomfortable. Better to spread myself too thin than to be thought of as selfish.

Unfortunately, my desire to avoid short-term pain led to long-term frustration. It was easier to let myself down than to have a potentially awkward conversation. So I set my own goals and dreams on the back burner and lived the life others wanted me to live. It worked pretty well, for a while. Then the disconnect between who I was and who I wanted to be caught up with me.

It's a common misconception that giving is good and taking is bad. It's good to give service to neighbors and friends. It's bad to take time for yourself. It's good to give even when you feel like you have nothing left to give. It's bad to take a break so you can recover. But taking care of your own needs is not selfish -- it's essential. If you spend your whole life "giving till it hurts," eventually the giving will stop and only the hurts will remain.

When giving is a choice, it is more authentic and impactful. People can sense it when we serve them grudgingly. A simple two-letter word can make all the difference. Give what you can when you can, but don't be afraid to say no when the daily demands people place on you prevent you from fulfilling your purpose.

We serve best when our own needs are met. We love most when our own reservoirs are full.

The Simplicity of Laughter

Sometimes laughter is forced, sometimes it's fake, and sometimes it's downright hurtful. But there's a kind of laughter that emanates from the soul, that enlightens our whole being. That's the very best kind of laughter.

Many of my favorite memories involve laughter. Many of my worst memories also involve laughter. I fell down the stairs once and hit my foot really hard against the wall (I was limping for weeks afterward). My daughter saw me fall, and as I laid on the stairs on the verge of tears she started laughing. It wasn't hurtful laughter--she cares for me and doesn't want to see me in pain--but physical comedy can be pretty funny, even in real life. I wish I'd had a stunt double to take that fall for me, but even though I was hurting I ended up laughing right along with her. It lightened the moment and distracted me from my physical discomfort.

This same daughter, currently age 17, has difficulty staying serious when it's really important to be serious, such as when it's time to pray. Some nights she gets the giggles so badly she can't get a word out. When this happens, I often ask someone else to pray. But since laughter is contagious, it doesn't always work. Those are some of my most treasured memories.

Laughter is joy that cannot be contained. It comes in moments of release, when a deep and stifling emotion vacates. It comes when we suddenly see how ridiculous we look, or how crazily we've been behaving. The ability to laugh at oneself, even (or perhaps especially) in the midst of a difficult situation, is a healthy and often overlooked form of self-therapy.

The Simplicity of Success

When people hear the word "success," it usually brings to mind images of great wealth, exotic vacations, mansions, notoriety and influence. Such things only represent one dimension of success, however. There are many, many more. The most successful people I know come from a variety of backgrounds and have a variety of incomes. The one factor they have in common is that they are genuine.

For one person, success may look like quiet, devoted service. For another, it may be warm friendships and an amazing marriage. For another it may be a great resume or business. For another it may be achieving inner peace in the midst of outer chaos.

Success isn't about stuff. It's about actualizing your potential. It's not about how much you make; it's what you do with it that really counts.

Each of us has the potential to be wildly successful. We simply need to discover what it is that we do well, and do it to the best of our ability. Success is extraordinarily easy to achieve, once you understand what it actually is.

The Simplicity of Joy

I spent much of my life chasing joy. I may has well have been trying to juice a stone. It wasn't until I stopped running and sat quietly that I realized joy is inside me and all around me continually. I simply had to allow myself to feel it.

A little over a year ago I was sitting on a sandy beach next to a beautiful blue lake. The day was nice, but the water was cold and I opted to sit and read instead of joining the aquatic activities.

I happened to be reading a book about being more present. The book contained the words, "Your life is real." They hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized that being present was infinitely superior to reading about being present.

I set my book down and stood up. Normally I resist the experience of entering cold water, but this time I decided to embrace it. I went as slowly as I could, savoring the sensory input.

As I got out to shoulder depth, I looked at the sunlight rippling on the water. I saw people playing and boats sailing. I laughed, then cried, then dunked my head under the water. As I broke the surface I also broke the surface of consciousness.

The feeling stayed with me for days. It was a simple experience. No one else even knew I'd had it. But I look back on it as a milestone on my meandering path to joy. It wasn't found through achievement or wealth, as I'd previously believed. I found it simply by embracing everything the moment had to offer.

My moment was by a lake. Yours may be in a car, an office or hospital room or park. It could be while you are doing laundry, mowing the lawn or changing a diaper. It doesn't matter what moment you choose -- any moment will do. Just fully embrace it and feel the wonder of it. Then do it again, and again, and again.

The Simplicity of Truth

With so many conflicting messages coming at us from various sources, it can be difficult to determine what is and isn't true. We can look to science or religion or influential organizations and individuals to guide us, but ultimately we must look inside ourselves to discern the false from the real.

Truth is truth and lies are lies, but when the two are mixed together it can be hard to separate them.

The inherent truth or falsehood of a principle or idea does not change based on who does or doesn't support it, although our perception of it might. The nature of the universe does not turn with the tides of popular opinion.

No person or organization has a monopoly on truth.

Words are only as true as the truths they contain.

Truth cannot be changed or destroyed, only discovered.

A religion is only as true as the doctrines it teaches. Scientific findings are only as accurate as the methods used to explain observable phenomena.

Truth does not change based on our willingness or refusal to accept it. Ultimately, the quality of our lives depends solely upon the degree to which we are aligned with truth.

The Simplicity of Change

Change -- even change for the better -- is often accompanied by feelings of uncertainty, fear and loss. It is only through change that we can become everything we were meant to become. So why do we actively resist it?

Some parents say they don't want their children to ever grow up. They'd like to freeze time exactly where it is. While love is the apparent sentiment behind such thoughts, the reality is that children thrive on growth.

Nature shows us the wonders that can come from change. Seasons come and go, each in its time. Stars fall from the sky and new ones appear. Forest fires make way for new growth.

Even change for the worse can lead to good things, like understanding and compassion.

Being in transition can make us feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. We may not feel like we fit in, because we have outgrown our old life but have not yet fully stepped into the new.

As you learn to rise with the tide and dance with the wind, soaking in the beauty that comes only through change, you will see that everything is falling perfectly into place.

Surrender to the process of change.

The Simplicity of Forgiveness

Few things are more detrimental to the human heart and psyche than holding a grudge. Instead of being able to see the wonders of life, the mind fixates on a single event or person in an endless loop. Brainpower that could be spent solving problems or helping others is instead spent reliving past pain.

Forgiveness is the gateway to freedom. Even if the other person isn't sorry or doesn't deserve forgiveness, you -- the forgiver -- deserve the freedom it can offer you.

Forgiveness doesn't require complete restoration of former privileges. You may forgive someone, but no longer allow them to be a part of your life. Self-protection is always the highest priority. Once you are safe from being repeatedly hurt, forgiveness can stem the tide of inner pain. Trust can be rebuilt, in certain cases, but in others it cannot.

Only seeing one point of view keeps you stuck in the emotions, unable to let go. Truth is rarely as black and white as anger would have us believe.

The Simplicity of Hope

There have been a few times in my life when I've lost hope. Not just in a particular thing, like an event I was looking forward to, but in EVERYTHING.

This is not a good place to be.

I didn't realize how essential hope is to my continued existence until it was gone. Fortunately, these dark periods of my life are few and far between. They usually follow a difficult event, like the death of a loved one or a breakup.

Many people who find themselves in this place, especially those who arrive their repeatedly, consider suicide. This is how important hope is. Like water and oxygen and food, it keeps us alive.

If you've lost hope, please do whatever you can to get it back. If you know someone who has lost hope, be a light to them.

My hope is restored and strengthened by human interaction, uplifting music, communion with nature, exercise, prayer and meditation. I am learning that any time hope is lost, the problem is not with the way the world is but with the way I am seeing it. In other words, a restoration of hope does not come through a change in circumstances, it comes through a change in perspective. This means hope is something I can control, seek out, or suppress. It's not random or arbitrary. It's a choice. And it's one I hope I will always make.

The Simplicity of Enlightenment

Enlightenment means different things to different people, but to me it simply means completely accepting reality and understanding my place in it. An enlightened person is at peace even in negative circumstances. An enlightened person sees the cosmic wheel of life and death and is grateful to play a part in it. An enlightened person accepts others exactly as they are.

When I find myself getting caught up in the chaos around me, questioning the purpose of suffering or feeling hopelessly unhappy, I am comforted by the word "quilt." Here's what it stands for:

Que sera sera.
U and
I should
Love one another.
This too shall pass.

"Que sera sera," the Spanish phrase for "whatever will be will be" was a line from a popular 1950's song. It is a signpost that points to enlightenment because it reminds me that there are some things I simply cannot control. Death, for example, could come to me or to a loved on at any moment. While such a circumstance is a cause for sadness, it does no good to shake my fist at the sky and rage against the injustice of the universe. These actions will not bring back the person I've lost, and by engaging in them I may lose myself to grief or pain. It is useless to argue with reality or wish it was something other than what it is. Acceptance of the unchangeable is the only sane approach to living.

"U [You] and I should love one another" is a reminder to accept other people exactly as they are, wherever they are on their journey. Of course I don't control the actions of others, but even when people are hurtful I can still love them. Perhaps I will distance myself from them to protect myself from being used or abused, but such action does not inherently prevent me from forgiving and loving.

"This too shall pass" is a reminder to not get too caught up in the things of this world. People and possessions are fleeting. Sadness and sickness, power and influence are fleeting as well. Anchoring myself to the things of this world is the greatest folly. True happiness is independent of circumstances, and true inner peace cannot be diminished by external events.

Enlightenment is more of a journey than a destination; an ongoing process of growth and change. Its pursuit is, I believe, the primary purpose of our existence.

The Blessings of Not Having Enough

Anyone who has experienced poverty first-hand will tell you it is an enemy to be feared. I agree wholeheartedly, but those who have plenty face another enemy that is just as destructive: complaisance. It's the other side of the poverty coin, the side that perpetuates the cycle.

When we have enough, when all our needs are met, we sometimes see no need to give. I have experienced both sides of this equation. I grew up poor, worked my way into a better lifestyle, then experienced a combination of career and health setbacks that caused me to face the monster of poverty once more.

To anyone who does not have enough to eat, or a roof over your head, you have my sincerest empathy. I'm sorry that I allowed my own comfortable situation to blind me to your need for so long.

I will never again take for granted the ability to put gas in my car. Or the blessing of having a car to drive.

I will never again take for granted my electricity that was almost turned off, my house that was almost foreclosed on, and my employment that was so unexpectedly lost.

The ability to meet my expenses was taken from me for a time, but in the process I found myself. I now see more clearly the needs of others, and I have a renewed sense of gratitude for the blessings that remain.

The Simplicity of Awakening

An awakening experience is anything that helps us see the world and ourselves in a truer way.

Recently I made a list of the awakening experiences I've had throughout my life. I expected it to be short. After all, big changes and significant realizations don't happen every day. I started with the major turning points in my life, the times when something big or small completely redirected my course. Then I started writing about the people in my life, the adversity I've faced, the beautiful moments I've experienced, and as my list grew it led to another realization: LIFE is an awakening experience. Everything I've ever done or felt or gone through is perfectly designed to help me see myself and the world in a truer way. Everything.

There are times when I've felt lost and off track in life. Usually it's when I get caught up playing a role, trying to meet the expectations of others and failing to pursue my own personal mission. When I'm in this state, my burdens feel heavy and joy and laughter are noticeably absent. Life feels like an endless grind, a quiet and pointless march to my grave.

Then something happens to wake me up. It could be something good, like getting a new job or finishing college. It could also be something bad, like health or relationship issues. Both the good and the bad in life can wake me up to reality and remind me who I really am.

The Simplicity of Inner Wisdom

Human interaction occurs on multiple levels: words, tone, body language, facial expressions. What is said and what is meant do not always match. The cheerful hello you offer to a co-worker may be received at face value, but on some level he or she may be aware that you aren't as cheerful as you appear. We are not as good at hiding our emotions as we might suppose. A truly sensitive person can pick up on the cues that point to inner conflict.

The conscious mind only represents a very small portion of overall brain capacity. Much of what keeps us alive and contributes to our mental health and emotional well-being exists at an unconscious or subconscious level. In other words, you know more than you realize.

Sometimes the conscious mind explains away the subconscious signals we receive. Because there's no logical explanation, and because everything appears to be above board, we remain committed to a particular course. When things don't work out, we are first shocked and then realize that a part of us knew the truth all along.

By learning to trust your intuition, and by learning to act on feelings that can't be fully explained, you can develop greater decision-making capacity and deeper wisdom.

The Simplicity of Silence

Silence is a curse word for some, equated with mind-numbing boredom. For others, particularly those with small children, silence is a dream that rarely manifests.

Sometimes silence happens naturally, but for most it must be a conscious choice. When presented with silence, many people instinctively look for a way to fill it. Stores and restaurants and cars and lives are filled with music and distraction. We are confronted with noise pollution everywhere we go.

Escape the madness from time to time. Turn off the car radio, remove the headphones and just be.

Inspiration enters through the cracks of silence we leave open in our lives. Thoughts and emotions are processed in the quiet spaces we allow ourselves to experience.

I absolutely love music. I love talking with friends. I love being busy and energized and focused on pursuing my dreams. But I need silence, from time to time. I need the clarity and perspective it can offer. I need to periodically pause and reflect on the life I am living, drawing strength from the moments between. I need silence to remind me who I am.