The Simplicity of Influence

We each have an important role to play in the events unfolding around us. Your unique voice is needed. Your gifts, your views, your wisdom, and the things you've learned from your experiences in life aren't meant to be kept to yourself. You are here to be an influence for good, and you can only do that by speaking your truth.

Some people are looking for a fight. Don't give it to them. Some people are more interested in being heard than making a difference. Don't listen to them. Some people are never going to change their opinions no matter what you say. Don't bother speaking your truths to them.

Instead, look for opportunities to make an actual difference. Be an example for others to follow.

Don't become part of the problem by getting pulled into the conflict. Your energy will dissipate and you'll have little to show for your efforts. But don't bury your head in the sand, either, and pretend that all is well when it clearly isn't.

Instead, seek wisdom. Live authentically. Love people. Change hearts one at a time (including your own).

The Simplicity of Brilliant Moments

Every once in a while the stars align and we get to experience incredible, perfect joy. I absolutely love moments like that, and can ride for days on the wave of happiness they create. But returning to the real world can be hard! I would very much like to experience that kind of perfect joy more often.

Sometimes joy is something we choose, and sometimes it's simply a gift -- the outcome of small choices and circumstances, some of which are not even in our control. When those moments come, express gratitude for them and make choices that will allow you to have them more often.

Character is formed by small choices over time. We may not notice the changes that are happening to us, because they can be so gradual, but as we identify, refine and live by our core values we will become more capable and aligned. Others will see our integrity and want to find what we've found.

Each of us has a unique mission to accomplish. We may not know exactly what that mission is, but it can become more clear over time as we identify things we are good at that bring joy to us and those around us. When we are living true to ourselves, opportunities to use our gifts will regularly present themselves, and we will recognize them when they come.

Rising Above

There are times when I become angry or annoyed or frustrated with people. This is ALWAYS caused by my internal state, not by their actions. No one can make me angry without my permission.

When I find myself in this situation, I have a choice to make. I can allow the anger to drain my energy, consume my thoughts and steal my joy, or I can choose to rise above it. The way to do that is to interrupt my thought patterns with new ideas.

When I'm angry, the story I tell myself is always incomplete. A sort of emotional tunnel vision takes over and I refuse to see any evidence that contradicts my black and white views. But if a seed of truth can make it past my mental filter, the anger can dissipate.

Sometimes this seed of truth is sown by another person. I might be talking about the situation with someone I love, and he or she may kindly remind me that I'm far from perfect. Or perhaps something will be said that makes me laugh, and the negative emotion will release. Perhaps an insight into the other side of the situation will be offered, helping me see a little more clearly what seemed perfectly clear before.

Rising above negative emotions is a choice that anyone can make. It takes practice, and there will be ups and downs along the way, but the results are well worth the effort.

The Simplicity of Kindness

Kindness is the simplest thing in the world, yet there is far less kindness in the world than I would like -- even in my own actions and behavior.

I recently embarked on a journey to do a random act of kindness each day for 40 days. My goal was to do something kind that I wouldn't normally do, even if it was something very small. At first it was quite difficult. I would find myself getting ready for bed and looking around for something I could do at the last minute, because during the day I hadn't noticed any opportunities. One night I folded a blanket. Another night I cleaned up a hairball. As the days have progressed, however, I'm finding that the hard part is picking one of the many things I've done as "the" random act of kindness for the day.

We tend to find what we are looking for, and if we're wanting to perform acts of kindness we will see opportunities everywhere. It's simply a question of reprogramming the mind.

Some needs are obvious. Some are less so, but there is an inner wisdom we can all access that will help us find even hidden opportunities to serve. We just need to be actively wanting and looking for those opportunities.

Small acts of kindness can add up to big changes over time -- not just for those whom I serve, but for me as well. Actively working to be kind to others cleanses my soul and purifies my heart in a way that few other things can. I'm far from perfect, but when I serve others I get to experience perfect joy.

The Simplicity of Belonging

Everyone wants to be a part of something bigger than themselves. This is why we have communities, clubs, causes and even corporations. We are hard-wired for connection.

Solitude certainly has its place. It helps us decompress, think and process. Some of the best, most creative ideas are born in solitude, but successfully executing those ideas is usually a group effort.

Think of all the causes you belong to: a school, a church, a workplace, a political organization, a family, a friendship group, a hobby you share with others. Such things provide a sense of identity and strength.

When we over-isolate it increases feelings of depression, anxiety and anger. We each have our own preferred social rhythm, and when we fail to move to its music it results in pain.

In social situations we must think not only of our own needs, but also the needs of others. Socializing 101 involves responding to advances. The next level is to make those advances ourselves in an effort to help others belong. One of the greatest gifts you can give someone is an invitation to be a part of your life.

If you are feeling lonely, make an effort to connect. If you are feeling overwhelmed, regroup in solitude. Finding the right social balance can be challenging, but it's an essential component of emotional health.

The Simplicity of Love

Sometimes love seems like the most complicated thing in the world. It's wonderful and terrible, beautiful and soul-crushing, sweet and bitter. Hearts are broken and healed through love, and romantic relationships can sometimes be so complicated and miserable that people give up on them entirely.

But love is actually very simple. It's when we forget to love that things get hard.

Love means different things to different people. Some equate it with possession or control. They may believe they are entitled to certain privileges, but love cannot be forced. It can only be freely offered.

Arguments and fights are all too common in relationships. We hurt the ones we love because they are close enough to feel the effects of our every dysfunction. As we seek to heal old wounds and prevent new ones from forming, we become living gateways through which love enters the world.

Choosing to love is a courageous and vulnerable act that opens us to injury. When a doorway to love opens, it welcomes an entire person, not just their best attributes. When a relationship ends, love sometimes ends with it. But more often it continues in a different form.

Imagine a world without love, then imagine a world where love is all there is. Which world are you working to create?

The Simplicity of Perspective

Sometimes I become so preoccupied with a particular problem or set of problems that I forget how it feels to be at peace. Anxiety, anger, confusion, sadness and fear take over and become my "new normal." When I identify with these emotions, my true self gets lost in the noise. Each time I recognize that this has happened--which may take years or weeks or days or hours--I immediately take steps to find myself again.

When peace is lost, so is perspective. My journey back to wholeness always begins with a shift in perspective. When I'm suffering, everything feels personal. My problems weigh me down and solutions are nowhere to be found. It feels like I'm facing the impossible, and if there's any option for victory it either needs to come through a miracle or be won an inch at a time at great personal cost.

When I step out of my problems for a moment and look at myself and my situation the way I would look at a friend who is experiencing something similar, I can see more clearly. Other people's problems sometimes seem easier to face than my own, because I don't feel their shame. It's easy for me to be encouraging and supportive to those I love, but I often do the exact opposite to myself. I am judgmental and afraid, disappointed and punitive.

With perspective comes answers. Without the crushing weight of negative emotion, I can see that my problems aren't quite as big as I thought. I can reconnect with my inner strength, and I can begin to use the cognitive abilities that were previously mired in an endless loop of confusion, self-condemnation, fear and blame. I can face my problems with confidence. I can focus, and I can heal.

The Simplicity of Understanding

There is something beautiful about an understanding moment, when two people with differing views are able to see as one.

Understanding is a byproduct of love--not just romantic love, but the kind of love that applies to all mankind. When we truly care about the people around us, we are more likely to want to understand them.

Sometimes understanding comes after conflict. While it would be better to find understanding without conflict, this method is better than finding no understanding at all.

When we label people, we put up walls that prevent us from understanding them. When we take things personally, our own hurt can prevent us from clearly seeing the intentions of others.

Knowing someone's story is often a beginning of love and regard. When we see only what's on the surface, we may make incorrect assumptions about a person's behavior. When we see people for who they are rather than simply what they can do for us, understanding is more likely to occur.

Everyone has felt the pain of not being understood. All it takes to prevent someone else from feeling that way is a willingness to listen without judging.

Choosing Pain

Everyone experiences emotional pain. Most people don't realize, however, that they have a choice in the matter.

If I win the lottery or get stabbed in the leg, those things are just experiences. It's the story I tell myself about the experience that makes it "good" or "bad" in my mind.

For example, if my lottery payout was $3000.00 I could tell myself that I was ripped off. I didn't win the "big pot" and get a check for millions. I just got a lousy three grand. This story would create pain, whereas being grateful for the extra money could be a joyful experience.

Being stabbed in the leg requires context. Perhaps I'm having a tumor removed, and the surgeon uses a scalpel. In that case, being "stabbed" is part of my path to healing. Perhaps I have a severe allergic reaction, and an epinephrine shot saves my life. Even if I'm stabbed while being mugged, the story I tell myself still matters. I can be grateful that the wound wasn't deadly, for example. I can feel empathy for the person who stabbed me, and for the unfortunate combination of choices and circumstances that led him to that point.

Events are just events. It's my story that creates my pain.

The Simplicity of Struggle

Though everyone suffers, not all suffering necessary. The suffering we self-generate when in a negative emotional state just adds to what we are already going through.

Some people become angry with God (or fate or the universe or life) when tragedy strikes. It can be hard to understand His will and timing. It can be hard to see any good in the middle of something bad, even in hindsight. But there's no such thing as gratuitous pain. It's all part of our experience.

Growth and pain are inextricably linked. One cannot exist without the other. This doesn't mean that all life is pain -- sometimes life can be pretty wonderful. It just means that pain is going to find us at some point. When it does, allow it to happen. Resistance just enhances its power. Joy can be found even in the midst of struggle, if we allow ourselves to feel it.

I live in an area of the world where it gets quite cold in winter. Just walking outside in below zero temperatures can be a grueling, pain-inducing experience. With each passing year I dread the winter a little more, but feeling anxious about the onset of the season only adds to my experience of suffering. If I really hate it so much, I should move. Since I'm not making plans to sell my house (yet), I might as well embrace the reality of winter.

The Simplicity of Authenticity

You are who you are for a reason. There is a mission you can accomplish better than anyone else, one that uses your unique gifts and talents. Your purpose is calling. Will you answer?

It's easy to get lost in life. We defer to the expectations of others. We allow those in authority to define us. We feel grateful for the breadcrumbs they give us. But there comes a time when we feel a desire to rise up, to cast off our chains and become who we were born to be.

The gap between the life we are living and the life we are capable of living is a source of discomfort for many of us. It's easier to ignore it, sometimes, and pretend we are satisfied with a quiet existence. But living beneath our privileges exacts a costly toll. It comes at the price of being whole. It sickens the body and weakens the soul.

What lies beneath the roles you play? Mother, father, employee, boss, teacher, entrepreneur -- these are labels that many wear, but who is the person behind the label?

Your dreams exist for a reason. They are not foolish or impractical, as you may have told yourself over and over again. They are worth pursuing in spite of the risks.

You were meant to shine. You are more than the rhythm in someone else's rhyme. Step into your power. It's finally time.

Heaven on Earth

I believe heaven exists, but I see no reason to wait until I die to experience it. I can create it here and now, beginning with a feeling of peace inside me that spreads to others through loving acts.

I can't stop others from embracing darkness, but I can embrace light. I can lift the weak and carry the wounded to safety. The love they see in my eyes can give them a taste of heaven.

The power to end human suffering lies within each of us. I alone cannot eradicate all the ills of life; I'm just one person, after all. But if everyone did something to help someone every day, and also refrained from doing intentional harm, imagine how much better this world would be.

I'm not advocating for a new political system or world government. History has proven such things to be a horrifically bad idea. A better idea is for voluntary change to begin at the individual level, spread to homes and schools and workplaces, then enter the political arena.

I realize my optimistic views may seem laughable to some. In order for heaven on Earth to exist, everyone must do their part, right? Actually, no. I can find a source of peace that has nothing at all to do with my environment or circumstances. I can live in heaven with my feet still firmly planted on Earthly ground. This is the promise of enlightenment spoken of by the Buddha, the peace that is not of this world spoken of by Christ. By focusing on what matters most, you and I can create heaven right where we stand.

The Simplicity of Self-awareness

We cannot clearly see ourselves most of the time. An outside perspective is needed, but not just any outside perspective. It has to be from someone we trust who sees clearly.

The ability to look objectively at oneself is an essential component of personal growth. A willingness to listen to feedback is a desirable trait. When we are unapproachable, the people around us will cease to speak truths we need to hear. This can only lead to resentment and rebellion.

There are people who will criticize us no matter what we do. It has nothing to do with us and everything to do with them. Their angry voices are not the ones we want to use to gauge our strengths and weaknesses. All they can offer is noise. Even loved ones can sometimes fall into this category, so we must not only know who to listen to but also what frame of mind that person was in when they spoke to us.

When someone tells us the truth about ourselves, and when we are open and receptive to their words, we will feel the weight of that truth. It will open our eyes, settle into our souls, and it will change us. It may be a welcome truth or a harsh truth, but it will always be spoken with love -- even when those same words in another context or tone could come across as hurtful.

The best leaders are self-aware. Rather than blaming circumstances or other people, they look at their own failings and strive to improve.

The Simplicity of Boundaries

There are times when people ask more than we can give. There are times when we feel drained or abused or manipulated or unappreciated by a certain person. In such cases, boundaries can restore our peace.

The clearest boundary is to no longer allow a toxic person to be a part of our lives, but in many cases it is possible to preserve both the relationship and our sanity by creating and communicating ground rules.

Let's say, for example, that a parent or parental figure insists on running your life even though you are now an adult. Determine which behaviors aren't acceptable to you. The next time one of those behaviors occurs, tell the other person kindly but firmly about your new boundary. It may feel uncomfortable, and perhaps the other person will be angry. Remain calm and resolute. If that same boundary is violated again, explain the consequence of further violations and enforce the consequence.

For example, if the behavior in question involves "giving advice" in a very pressing way, such as with the words "You should" or "You need to" or simply with a command, explain how you feel when those words are said. You could then suggest alternative ways of giving advice that would be more palatable, such as with the words, "Have you thought about ..." or "Have you considered ..." Explain that advice is always welcome, if that's your truth, but that you retain full autonomy in making the final decision. Let the other person know that you love and appreciate them, if that's your truth, and end the conversation on a positive note if possible. Some people will be open to making the requested changes, and some will not. If a repeat violation occurs, reiterate the boundary and explain that the next time this boundary is crossed there will be no communication of any kind for a week (or insert your own consequence). It will be difficult to do this successfully in a situation where financial support is being provided by the other person, but that doesn't mean the person has a right to continually use or abuse you.

The correct establishment and enforcement of a relationship boundary is a loving act that can actually preserve and strengthen the bonds between two people, eliminating toxic and vengeful thoughts and behaviors.

The Message of Anger

Anger is triggered by external events, but it lives within each of us. When we identify with it and frequently allow it to take over, it can negatively impact our health and relationships.

The things that feed anger can be small, building up over time until the pressure is released by an explosive outburst. Anger can also be an immediate reaction to an unanticipated occurrence.

There is a hidden message in every angry thought, feeling and action. The message is that something isn't right. It might be something with you, with the way you are processing or failing to process emotion. It might be with your environment or the people in your life.

Some events cannot be controlled; they are acts of God. A tornado is one example. When you find yourself angry at such events, it represents a refusal to accept reality. The only path to peace lies in changing yourself.

You do not have complete control over the behavior of other people, but you can change how you interact with and react to them. You can invite them to change, and if they refuse then you can invite them to play a different role in your life such as being absent from it. You can also change your perspective, choosing not to take offense.

Finally there are the things that are within your control -- the choices you make that lead to pain. A friend of mine was so fanatical about sports events that he would become angry whenever there was a bad call by a referee or when his team lost. One day he realized he was creating his own pain, so he stopped watching sports. He changed himself and found more peace in his life as a result.

Anger is a signpost that points to deeper truth. It means something needs to change, and most often that something is you.

The Simplicity of Wonder

As I walked into my office building this morning, I saw a mother and daughter standing in the lobby. The little girl looked to be about three years old, and she was pointing and exclaiming about everything she saw.

I miss the days when I used to see the world with wonder. Things that have now become commonplace were once a source of amazement to me. But I don't have to be resigned to my fate. Wonder can be cultivated, if I remember how to see with the eyes of a child.

The fall leaves are stunning this year, a glorious display of red and gold that invites reverence. Last week a sunrise left me in awe, streaks of orange and pink criss-crossing the horizon in panoramic perfection. We live in a beautiful world, and it's so easy to take it for granted.

I want to live in wonder. I want to find joy in simple things.

I want to go to a grocery store and be awestruck that such a place even exists. If I were to trace every item from growth or manufacturing to delivery, the number of people involved in making my shopping experience possible is staggering. Just the fact that I can buy a loaf of bread rather than having to make it myself out of wheat I grew on my own property is a testament to modern living. We are far, far more blessed than we can even begin to comprehend.

Knowing the science behind a phenomenon does not make it any less miraculous. Our very existence on this planet is the product of cosmic events far beyond our control. Even the most ordinary day can be filled with wonder when we take time to really see.

The Simplicity of Saying No

It can be hard to say no when someone asks us to do something for them, but saying yes to too many things has far-reaching consequences.

I used to think it was my responsibility to always say yes to loved ones, neighbors and strangers who made demands on my time. Saying no was rude, difficult and uncomfortable. Better to spread myself too thin than to be thought of as selfish.

Unfortunately, my desire to avoid short-term pain led to long-term frustration. It was easier to let myself down than to have a potentially awkward conversation. So I set my own goals and dreams on the back burner and lived the life others wanted me to live. It worked pretty well, for a while. Then the disconnect between who I was and who I wanted to be caught up with me.

It's a common misconception that giving is good and taking is bad. It's good to give service to neighbors and friends. It's bad to take time for yourself. It's good to give even when you feel like you have nothing left to give. It's bad to take a break so you can recover. But taking care of your own needs is not selfish -- it's essential. If you spend your whole life "giving till it hurts," eventually the giving will stop and only the hurts will remain.

When giving is a choice, it is more authentic and impactful. People can sense it when we serve them grudgingly. A simple two-letter word can make all the difference. Give what you can when you can, but don't be afraid to say no when the daily demands people place on you prevent you from fulfilling your purpose.

We serve best when our own needs are met. We love most when our own reservoirs are full.

The Simplicity of Laughter

Sometimes laughter is forced, sometimes it's fake, and sometimes it's downright hurtful. But there's a kind of laughter that emanates from the soul, that enlightens our whole being. That's the very best kind of laughter.

Many of my favorite memories involve laughter. Many of my worst memories also involve laughter. I fell down the stairs once and hit my foot really hard against the wall (I was limping for weeks afterward). My daughter saw me fall, and as I laid on the stairs on the verge of tears she started laughing. It wasn't hurtful laughter--she cares for me and doesn't want to see me in pain--but physical comedy can be pretty funny, even in real life. I wish I'd had a stunt double to take that fall for me, but even though I was hurting I ended up laughing right along with her. It lightened the moment and distracted me from my physical discomfort.

This same daughter, currently age 17, has difficulty staying serious when it's really important to be serious, such as when it's time to pray. Some nights she gets the giggles so badly she can't get a word out. When this happens, I often ask someone else to pray. But since laughter is contagious, it doesn't always work. Those are some of my most treasured memories.

Laughter is joy that cannot be contained. It comes in moments of release, when a deep and stifling emotion vacates. It comes when we suddenly see how ridiculous we look, or how crazily we've been behaving. The ability to laugh at oneself, even (or perhaps especially) in the midst of a difficult situation, is a healthy and often overlooked form of self-therapy.

The Simplicity of Success

When people hear the word "success," it usually brings to mind images of great wealth, exotic vacations, mansions, notoriety and influence. Such things only represent one dimension of success, however. There are many, many more. The most successful people I know come from a variety of backgrounds and have a variety of incomes. The one factor they have in common is that they are genuine.

For one person, success may look like quiet, devoted service. For another, it may be warm friendships and an amazing marriage. For another it may be a great resume or business. For another it may be achieving inner peace in the midst of outer chaos.

Success isn't about stuff. It's about actualizing your potential. It's not about how much you make; it's what you do with it that really counts.

Each of us has the potential to be wildly successful. We simply need to discover what it is that we do well, and do it to the best of our ability. Success is extraordinarily easy to achieve, once you understand what it actually is.

The Simplicity of Joy

I spent much of my life chasing joy. I may has well have been trying to juice a stone. It wasn't until I stopped running and sat quietly that I realized joy is inside me and all around me continually. I simply had to allow myself to feel it.

A little over a year ago I was sitting on a sandy beach next to a beautiful blue lake. The day was nice, but the water was cold and I opted to sit and read instead of joining the aquatic activities.

I happened to be reading a book about being more present. The book contained the words, "Your life is real." They hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized that being present was infinitely superior to reading about being present.

I set my book down and stood up. Normally I resist the experience of entering cold water, but this time I decided to embrace it. I went as slowly as I could, savoring the sensory input.

As I got out to shoulder depth, I looked at the sunlight rippling on the water. I saw people playing and boats sailing. I laughed, then cried, then dunked my head under the water. As I broke the surface I also broke the surface of consciousness.

The feeling stayed with me for days. It was a simple experience. No one else even knew I'd had it. But I look back on it as a milestone on my meandering path to joy. It wasn't found through achievement or wealth, as I'd previously believed. I found it simply by embracing everything the moment had to offer.

My moment was by a lake. Yours may be in a car, an office or hospital room or park. It could be while you are doing laundry, mowing the lawn or changing a diaper. It doesn't matter what moment you choose -- any moment will do. Just fully embrace it and feel the wonder of it. Then do it again, and again, and again.

The Simplicity of Truth

With so many conflicting messages coming at us from various sources, it can be difficult to determine what is and isn't true. We can look to science or religion or influential organizations and individuals to guide us, but ultimately we must look inside ourselves to discern the false from the real.

Truth is truth and lies are lies, but when the two are mixed together it can be hard to separate them.

The inherent truth or falsehood of a principle or idea does not change based on who does or doesn't support it, although our perception of it might. The nature of the universe does not turn with the tides of popular opinion.

No person or organization has a monopoly on truth.

Words are only as true as the truths they contain.

Truth cannot be changed or destroyed, only discovered.

A religion is only as true as the doctrines it teaches. Scientific findings are only as accurate as the methods used to explain observable phenomena.

Truth does not change based on our willingness or refusal to accept it. Ultimately, the quality of our lives depends solely upon the degree to which we are aligned with truth.

The Simplicity of Change

Change -- even change for the better -- is often accompanied by feelings of uncertainty, fear and loss. It is only through change that we can become everything we were meant to become. So why do we actively resist it?

Some parents say they don't want their children to ever grow up. They'd like to freeze time exactly where it is. While love is the apparent sentiment behind such thoughts, the reality is that children thrive on growth.

Nature shows us the wonders that can come from change. Seasons come and go, each in its time. Stars fall from the sky and new ones appear. Forest fires make way for new growth.

Even change for the worse can lead to good things, like understanding and compassion.

Being in transition can make us feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. We may not feel like we fit in, because we have outgrown our old life but have not yet fully stepped into the new.

As you learn to rise with the tide and dance with the wind, soaking in the beauty that comes only through change, you will see that everything is falling perfectly into place.

Surrender to the process of change.

The Simplicity of Forgiveness

Few things are more detrimental to the human heart and psyche than holding a grudge. Instead of being able to see the wonders of life, the mind fixates on a single event or person in an endless loop. Brainpower that could be spent solving problems or helping others is instead spent reliving past pain.

Forgiveness is the gateway to freedom. Even if the other person isn't sorry or doesn't deserve forgiveness, you -- the forgiver -- deserve the freedom it can offer you.

Forgiveness doesn't require complete restoration of former privileges. You may forgive someone, but no longer allow them to be a part of your life. Self-protection is always the highest priority. Once you are safe from being repeatedly hurt, forgiveness can stem the tide of inner pain. Trust can be rebuilt, in certain cases, but in others it cannot.

Only seeing one point of view keeps you stuck in the emotions, unable to let go. Truth is rarely as black and white as anger would have us believe.

The Simplicity of Hope

There have been a few times in my life when I've lost hope. Not just in a particular thing, like an event I was looking forward to, but in EVERYTHING.

This is not a good place to be.

I didn't realize how essential hope is to my continued existence until it was gone. Fortunately, these dark periods of my life are few and far between. They usually follow a difficult event, like the death of a loved one or a breakup.

Many people who find themselves in this place, especially those who arrive their repeatedly, consider suicide. This is how important hope is. Like water and oxygen and food, it keeps us alive.

If you've lost hope, please do whatever you can to get it back. If you know someone who has lost hope, be a light to them.

My hope is restored and strengthened by human interaction, uplifting music, communion with nature, exercise, prayer and meditation. I am learning that any time hope is lost, the problem is not with the way the world is but with the way I am seeing it. In other words, a restoration of hope does not come through a change in circumstances, it comes through a change in perspective. This means hope is something I can control, seek out, or suppress. It's not random or arbitrary. It's a choice. And it's one I hope I will always make.

The Simplicity of Enlightenment

Enlightenment means different things to different people, but to me it simply means completely accepting reality and understanding my place in it. An enlightened person is at peace even in negative circumstances. An enlightened person sees the cosmic wheel of life and death and is grateful to play a part in it. An enlightened person accepts others exactly as they are.

When I find myself getting caught up in the chaos around me, questioning the purpose of suffering or feeling hopelessly unhappy, I am comforted by the word "quilt." Here's what it stands for:

Que sera sera.
U and
I should
Love one another.
This too shall pass.

"Que sera sera," the Spanish phrase for "whatever will be will be" was a line from a popular 1950's song. It is a signpost that points to enlightenment because it reminds me that there are some things I simply cannot control. Death, for example, could come to me or to a loved on at any moment. While such a circumstance is a cause for sadness, it does no good to shake my fist at the sky and rage against the injustice of the universe. These actions will not bring back the person I've lost, and by engaging in them I may lose myself to grief or pain. It is useless to argue with reality or wish it was something other than what it is. Acceptance of the unchangeable is the only sane approach to living.

"U [You] and I should love one another" is a reminder to accept other people exactly as they are, wherever they are on their journey. Of course I don't control the actions of others, but even when people are hurtful I can still love them. Perhaps I will distance myself from them to protect myself from being used or abused, but such action does not inherently prevent me from forgiving and loving.

"This too shall pass" is a reminder to not get too caught up in the things of this world. People and possessions are fleeting. Sadness and sickness, power and influence are fleeting as well. Anchoring myself to the things of this world is the greatest folly. True happiness is independent of circumstances, and true inner peace cannot be diminished by external events.

Enlightenment is more of a journey than a destination; an ongoing process of growth and change. Its pursuit is, I believe, the primary purpose of our existence.

The Blessings of Not Having Enough

Anyone who has experienced poverty first-hand will tell you it is an enemy to be feared. I agree wholeheartedly, but those who have plenty face another enemy that is just as destructive: complaisance. It's the other side of the poverty coin, the side that perpetuates the cycle.

When we have enough, when all our needs are met, we sometimes see no need to give. I have experienced both sides of this equation. I grew up poor, worked my way into a better lifestyle, then experienced a combination of career and health setbacks that caused me to face the monster of poverty once more.

To anyone who does not have enough to eat, or a roof over your head, you have my sincerest empathy. I'm sorry that I allowed my own comfortable situation to blind me to your need for so long.

I will never again take for granted the ability to put gas in my car. Or the blessing of having a car to drive.

I will never again take for granted my electricity that was almost turned off, my house that was almost foreclosed on, and my employment that was so unexpectedly lost.

The ability to meet my expenses was taken from me for a time, but in the process I found myself. I now see more clearly the needs of others, and I have a renewed sense of gratitude for the blessings that remain.

The Simplicity of Awakening

An awakening experience is anything that helps us see the world and ourselves in a truer way.

Recently I made a list of the awakening experiences I've had throughout my life. I expected it to be short. After all, big changes and significant realizations don't happen every day. I started with the major turning points in my life, the times when something big or small completely redirected my course. Then I started writing about the people in my life, the adversity I've faced, the beautiful moments I've experienced, and as my list grew it led to another realization: LIFE is an awakening experience. Everything I've ever done or felt or gone through is perfectly designed to help me see myself and the world in a truer way. Everything.

There are times when I've felt lost and off track in life. Usually it's when I get caught up playing a role, trying to meet the expectations of others and failing to pursue my own personal mission. When I'm in this state, my burdens feel heavy and joy and laughter are noticeably absent. Life feels like an endless grind, a quiet and pointless march to my grave.

Then something happens to wake me up. It could be something good, like getting a new job or finishing college. It could also be something bad, like health or relationship issues. Both the good and the bad in life can wake me up to reality and remind me who I really am.

The Simplicity of Inner Wisdom

Human interaction occurs on multiple levels: words, tone, body language, facial expressions. What is said and what is meant do not always match. The cheerful hello you offer to a co-worker may be received at face value, but on some level he or she may be aware that you aren't as cheerful as you appear. We are not as good at hiding our emotions as we might suppose. A truly sensitive person can pick up on the cues that point to inner conflict.

The conscious mind only represents a very small portion of overall brain capacity. Much of what keeps us alive and contributes to our mental health and emotional well-being exists at an unconscious or subconscious level. In other words, you know more than you realize.

Sometimes the conscious mind explains away the subconscious signals we receive. Because there's no logical explanation, and because everything appears to be above board, we remain committed to a particular course. When things don't work out, we are first shocked and then realize that a part of us knew the truth all along.

By learning to trust your intuition, and by learning to act on feelings that can't be fully explained, you can develop greater decision-making capacity and deeper wisdom.

The Simplicity of Silence

Silence is a curse word for some, equated with mind-numbing boredom. For others, particularly those with small children, silence is a dream that rarely manifests.

Sometimes silence happens naturally, but for most it must be a conscious choice. When presented with silence, many people instinctively look for a way to fill it. Stores and restaurants and cars and lives are filled with music and distraction. We are confronted with noise pollution everywhere we go.

Escape the madness from time to time. Turn off the car radio, remove the headphones and just be.

Inspiration enters through the cracks of silence we leave open in our lives. Thoughts and emotions are processed in the quiet spaces we allow ourselves to experience.

I absolutely love music. I love talking with friends. I love being busy and energized and focused on pursuing my dreams. But I need silence, from time to time. I need the clarity and perspective it can offer. I need to periodically pause and reflect on the life I am living, drawing strength from the moments between. I need silence to remind me who I am.

The Simplicity of Beauty

We live in a breathtakingly beautiful world. Every day there is a cosmic dance in the sky, choreographed just for you. How often do you take time to feel the wonder of it?

Trees, flowers, waterfalls, oceans, stars, desert vistas, animals, smiles, acts of courage, music, all serving a single purpose: to bring you joy.

There is ugliness here, too. We inflict destruction on ourselves and the natural world. We could show more compassion, and use our resources more wisely. But that doesn't mean there isn't beauty here.

It's easy to get caught up in the headlong rush of achievement, becoming so focused on a particular goal or story that we forget the miracles that give us life.

Look up.

Look around.

Look within.

There is beauty everywhere, if you choose to see it.

The Simplicity of Serenity

We live in a highly connected society. An earthquake half way around the world is instantly posted on the Internet and broadcast on television. News that once took weeks or months to reach us now takes milliseconds. Much good has come from the ability to instantly communicate, but it is also the cause of much sorrow. Negativity has multiplied, and technology-enabled addictions are a growing problem.

The answer is simple: unplug.

Not permanently, but periodically.

Take a vacation from technology and remember that life was meant for living. Step away from virtual reality long enough to experience actual reality. It's not as bad as some people claim.

Seek serenity in nature, and through interaction with loved ones. Serve. Smile. Play. Talk face to face. Breathe. Laugh. Dance. In other words, live your life, and enjoy the increased clarity and peace that will surely follow.

The Simplicity of Self-acceptance

It's often much easier for me to forgive others than to forgive myself. Accepting the faults of others usually comes more naturally than accepting my own. Perhaps this is because I am always with myself, always reminded of the things I've done that I wish I hadn't. I see the things I hide, but I don't always see or acknowledge the good I do.

There was a time in my life when I waged a war against myself. The light and the shadow in my soul fought an epic battle, and I came out the loser.

More recently, I've begun to work towards self-acceptance. The good and bad inside me have declared a truce, come to an understanding.

There are benefits to having weaknesses. They enable me to see others with greater compassion.

There are benefits to being flawed. The process of striving for improvement helps me grow.

There are benefits to failure. If I hadn't failed, I never would have learned what is truly important in life.

I'm not everything I want to be, but now the energy that was once devoted to a constant inner war can be directed outward, helping me accomplish my goals and make a positive impact.

Self-acceptance isn't everything, but it's a good beginning.

The Simplicity of Compassion

There are times when I don't feel very compassionate. Perhaps I'm just in a bad mood, unaware of how my negative thoughts are impacting me. When I am in this state, I approach life from a place of judgment and everyone around me suffers.

Children are quick to express empathy for those who are wounded or sad, but adults can be skeptical. Some offer compassion only to those who they feel deserve it. Always on their guard, they suspect motives and question the reasons for the suffering of others. Their love is given or withheld depending on the story they tell themselves.

But it is not up to us to decide who is or isn't deserving of compassion and love. All are worthy by virtue of their existence.

There are those who would hurt us, lie to us, cheat or steal or kill. We must protect ourselves from such people. But even they deserve love, acting as they are out of unconscious pain.

Worry less about the reasons for the need than the need itself.

Worry more about the people in the situation than the politics of it.

Compassion is nothing more than a transaction between two people: giver and receiver. Sometimes it's unclear who is playing which role, as the supposed giver often receives the greater benefit of having relieved the suffering of another.

The Simplicity of Presence

There is power in being truly present in life. So many problems are caused by preoccupation with the past or fear of the future. If you carry the weight of everything you've done and feel uncertain and anxious as you think about what tomorrow might bring, it can easily overwhelm you. But if you remain focused on this moment and this moment alone, your joy and peace will increase. Even if the task you are doing is unpleasant, your resistance and resentment will be drastically reduced if you simply focus on the now.

When you are fully present food tastes better, the sun shines brighter, love is more meaningful, and the complexities and pains of life are reduced.

Being present doesn't mean that you treat the past as if it doesn't exist, seeing no need to apologize for your mistakes. Perhaps one of the best things you can do in the present moment is to apologize to someone you have hurt or wronged. Being present also doesn't mean forgetting about important lessons that have been learned in the past. You can carry those lessons with you always and use them to make the present moment better.

Being present does mean letting go of the emotions that are holding you back. Forgive yourself and others, release resentment and regret and judgment, surrender the need to change what cannot be undone. Accept your unalterable past and learn to love it, no matter how unlovably you may have behaved or how unfairly you may have been treated. This is the key that will set you free from the paralyzing burdens of shame and blame.

Being present doesn't mean that you treat the future as if it doesn't exist, seeing no need to make plans or prepare for days ahead. Perhaps one of the best things you can do in the present moment is to prepare for a future one. It would be unwise to harvest only what is needed for today's meal and starve when winter comes.

Being present does mean letting go of expectations and the need to control things that cannot be controlled. It is impossible to prepare for every uncertainty, but we can act with prudence in the present and trust that we'll know what to do when the unexpected occurs.

Most of all, being present means letting go of fear and believing in our ability to successfully navigate every eventuality that befalls us.

The Simplicity of Being Human

It's easy to find things to disagree about. People do it all the time. Politics, religion, morals and money provide ample fuel for some to wage continual war.

You and I may not agree about why the world exists or how we came to be here, but we do know one thing for certain: we ARE here. However it happened.

We also may not agree about the purpose of life and what we are supposed to accomplish while we are here. We may have different thoughts about God and the reasons suffering exists. We may both want to help people, but have widely differing views about who should be helped, what kind of help they need and who should give it. However, if we focus on what we have in common rather than our differences, it will go a long way towards making the world a more peaceful place.

Here are some things we have in common with every human being on the planet:

• We smile when we are happy.

• There are times when we feel sad.

• We need human contact in order to thrive.

• We hurt, we bleed, we heal. Except when we don't.

• We know someday we will die.

• We need air, water, food and sleep to survive.

• We can accomplish more together than we can alone.

If you and I can learn to see a bit of ourselves in every person we meet, kindness and compassion are more likely to occur. And the world could certainly use more kindness.

The Simplicity of Love

Whenever I start to get lost in the confusion of modern life, I go back to the basics -- to the foundational principles that I know, without question, are good and right and true. It is through those principles that I find myself again.

Love is one of those principles -- the one that looms larger than all the rest. It is the bedrock upon which every other good thing in life is built.

Sometimes love gets a bad rap. Sometimes it is misunderstood. Sometimes it seems so complicated that no one can possibly figure it out.

But love is incredibly, beautifully simple. Our observations, experiences and limited understanding are the source of the confusion, not love itself. If you've ever been hurt, betrayed, rejected, mocked, abused, mistreated or used, what you experienced wasn't love. It was blasphemy.

Love is pure. Love is kind. Love is amazing.

Love in all its forms, from friendship and romance to service and kindness and charity, makes the world a better place. It makes life worth living. Even grief, the price we pay for love, deepens our understanding in ways that nothing else can.

Love is perfect. People are not. But we are never closer to perfection than when we are filled with love.

What Matters Most

Life is beautiful, sweet and good. But sometimes it feels overwhelming, brutal and uncaring.

The circumstances and events we don't get to choose play a large role in defining our experience on this planet. But our response to those circumstances and events is FAR more impactful.

Happiness is less about the resources we have at our disposal than it is about making the most of those resources. It's possible to be enormously wealthy and incredibly unhappy. It's also possible to be incredibly poor and enormously happy. The determining factor isn't our circumstances, but how we feel about our circumstances. The story we tell ourselves matters more than our objectively measurable results.

Life is growing increasingly complicated for many. Technology, work and cultural values are changing rapidly. It's so easy to get lost, confused and overwhelmed in modern society. I don't think we need to throw our smart phones in the river and start riding horses and living in log cabins -- but I do think we could use a map to help us navigate our new reality.

That's the purpose of this blog: to be a voice of wisdom in a sea of madness, blending the best of the modern world with the lessons that can be learned from our collective past.

There is power in ethical achievement. There is power in knowing our own limits. There is wisdom in simplicity and balance. If we seek inner peace in the midst of outer chaos, however imperfectly, we will at least be facing the right direction. We will increase our self-awareness and learn for ourselves what matters most.